Day 226-Older and Wiser?

Older and wiser? Or just plain older? That seems to be the universal birthday dilemma, but after a minor drop in morale the day before the Big Day, I'm feeling pretty good. There's nothing like a pizza party at work and people (you haven't seen in years) posting well wishes on your Facebook wall to make you feel loved-not to mention the fun makeup E gave me to play with or the flowers G sent with the unforgettable note of

But birthdays can be bittersweet so to ban any blah moments, I decided to focus less on myself and more of what I'm grateful for.

I'm grateful for my family-I'm truly blessed to have such a wonderful support system.

I'm grateful for new friends and old-When I moved to NYC, I knew only one person. Three years later, I've found my circle yet am still am lucky enough to pick up where I left off anytime I talk to my friends from college & high school.

I'm grateful for two wonderful roommates-E always pushes me to be my best self, even though I resist at times. And little B evokes love every time she runs through the room.

I'm grateful to live in a city as vibrant and stimulating as New York City-My experiences here, both good and bad, have shaped me into adulthood. The Big Apple has been a most excellent finishing school, and I continue to be in awe everytime I step outside my door. And I"m wise enough to know that feeling is immeasurable.

I'm grateful to have loved-During times of reflection, it's hard not to think of those that aren't a part of day to day life anymore. Yet, I'm grateful they were in my life, if even for a short while, to teach me and help me grow.

I'm grateful for new experiences every day and adventures to come-I am very fortunate to grow up in a time where, even if Social Security is depleting, there's no limit to who you can become in your lifetime. I'm not limited to certain career choices, and I haven't had to marry to verify my worth. I support my little 650 square foot apartment with my day job and still get to follow my passions. And for that freedom, I truly feel lucky.

I'm grateful for this blog-my OTMITM year is almost at over yet many doors have already been opened to me. While I know this isn't because of the blog, per se, I know that the blog and writing has changed my perspective. And THAT has made the difference.

So as I move forward into a new year, I hope to have moments of thanks every day. Because it's easy to focus on what you don't have in life, but a truly wise person knows to be grateful for all she does.

I'm Off the Market & In the Moment!

Day 228-Seven Short Hours Left in the Year

Tomorrow is my birthday, and I'm just not feeling celebratory. Maybe it's the weather-it's been miserably gray and rainy out. Maybe it's the fact that I'm too tired, have to work or am pms-ing. Maybe it's the fact that I've been cutting down on those feel good carbs and am missing their comfort. Or that my family and some of my friends are hundreds of miles away. Oh, let's face it-all of the above.

But in seven short hours, another birthday will be here, and with it, I'm forced to recognize that another year has gone by. In some ways, I'm farther along than I thought I'd be; in others, I haven't accomplished half of what I meant to. I'm grateful for all the good that has come my way, this past month especially, but I'm really struggling with being fabulous this moment.

No idea what my problem is, but as a pre-birthday gift, I think I'll forgive myself the self-psycho analysis tonight, grab dinner, go home and crawl into bed. Thank goodness the real thing isn't until tomorrow-after getting the bittersweet blahs out of the way tonight, I'll be ready to embrace the spirit of celebration for my 26th year when the sun rises (and after I've had my free birthday chai latte courtesy of Starbucks!).

I'm Off the Market & In the Moment

Day 229-On a Ledge

I really don't know how actors do it every day-5am call time to be on set equals a 8pm bedtime the night before, followed by the alarm going off at 4am. That's assuming you want to be bright-eyed and refreshed for the shoot. And have no social life.

Otherwise, you can try to go out until 1am, powernap for two hours unsuccessfully while your cell buzzes with texts and the drunks on St. Marks try to work their way into a fight, and THEN wake up at 4am to make it to set on time. This is only a successful endeavor if you don't have any lines to remember or don't have to ever be fully awake-and of course, only if vizine and great makeup can cover up blurry eyes and lines.

I tried both approaches this weekend, and I'm totally undecided about which approach is better. See my friends or get more sleep? Thankfully, all I had to do this time was show up to the set of Man on a Ledge and watch Kira Sedgwick, Ed Harris, and Sam Worthington do their thing.

And, of course, stand for 12 hours in 3-inch high heeled boots at the corner of the Roosevelt Hotel. Though don't thing I can complain with Sam's stunt double is free-falling into the street.

Over the past few weeks, I've realized that being a good actor requires a commitment which few people know about. Long rehearsals and shows make for little social life-you're awake when others are sleeping and vice-versa. Then, there's the healthy eating and exercise routine that somehow must be fit in on a daily basis, not to mention the fact that good actors spend a lot of work and time doing research for their roles. Even with the money that some starlets get, they're freezing on shoots or withstanding the pain of hours in uncomfortable shoes.

I haven't figured out how to maintain the lifestyle or balance the schedule, so forgive me for my zombie status if you meet me on the street or my OTMITM posts stop making sense. The only thing I know right now is that even if I'm not on stage or camera yet myself, this is where I get my high.

I may have lost my sense of self at the beginning of the summer, but if a little heartache was what it took to find some direction, then what the hell. It sure was worth it.

I'm Off the Market & In the Moment! And on the street of 45th and Madison for one more weekend filming Man on a Ledge!

Day 234-There's a First Time for Everything

There's a first time for everything, and living in New York City makes for a lot of firsts. Tonight was my debut trip to the famed music locale, Carnegie Hall. The event? To hear violinist Robert McDuffie's play Philip Glass Violin Concerto No. 2, “The American Four Seasons,” exclusively written for McDuffie.

McDuffie is an extraordinary performer and Glass is a genius composer. For those who didn't make it to the Carnegie Hall performance, here's a chance to listen to America's Vivaldi.

Enjoy!

I'm Off the Market & In the Moment!

Day 235-Signed, Sealed, Delivered-I'm Yours Single Edition

I've officially signed my life away for the next year! Off the Market & In the Moment will be continuing until November 2011, though you'll just have to deal with me being On the Market & in the Moment after June 30th.

This is all due to the fact that for the next year, I'll be one of the single gal bloggers under the Single Edition network. Still unsure how everything will unfold but exciting nonetheless!

So here's the shameless promotion. If you're also a blogger who is passionate about dating, relationships or being in the moment in your single life, you can also join! Just check out their website for more information on becoming a partner.

It's all very exciting yet also quite scary. First off, contracts freak me out, but I had a great lawyer friend scope things out, and everything looks great. Now, I'm just facing the truth that I'm not only going to be held to higher standards with writing, but I'm also committed under contract to finish out the year. No more reassuring myself that I can always back out if Mr. Right comes along.

So here's my message to Mr. Right/Prince Harry/Penn Badgley/guy I haven't met yet-please sit tight for eight more months. I'm taking this time for myself so I can be a better us in the future.

I'm Off the Market & In the Moment!

Day 239-Oh What a Week!

Oh what a week! (singing Four Seasons in my head...) I've been on a constant high, my stars have been aligned, and life is buzzing. First off-when it rains, it pours men. Why is it that we go through a drought for months on end, and then suddenly the skies open up and we meet available nice guys left and right? Most of these are landing in the friend department which is fine by me as far as the blog goesl, but I'm still hopeful one of my younger guys will come through...I'm anxious to learn the ropes of casual dating. Thinking like a man. Loving just for the next five minutes. Drinks are pending-will keep you posted.

But in the mean time, I couldn't put life on hold so finally booked my ticket to London! I'll be spending New Year's Eve with two of my best friends and hopefully, some cute Brits. Traveling is one of my new priorities in life, and I cannot wait to visit the other side of the pond. Ring in the New Year in Paris? Oui, oui!

In other news, I got some background work (aka, I'm an extra) on the feature film MAN ON A LEDGE starring Sam Worthington, Elizabeth Banks, Ed Harris, and Edward Burns, among others. So for the next three weekends, I'll be portraying a garment district worker from 6am to sundown. There are hundreds of us so camera time is unlikely, but who cares?!?! It's all baby steps in the right direction and let's face it, I'd never thought I'd get that far along in the game.

To top it off, it's finally November! Birthday month to all of us lucky Scorpios (and a few Sagittarius folks). I'm told even years are "sexy years" so here's to 26 getting here soon! With it, only eight months left on the blog and still so much to do. When you measure your life in what you want to accomplish in a year, it's amazing how fast the time really goes by. And meanwhile, I had promised myself that if I was still thinking about "that guy" (you know, the one who started this whole thing) by my birthday, I was giving myself permission to reach out...thankfully, two more weeks until I have to cross that bridge and make a decision. But I'm starting to believe that no matter what, I need to be with someone who I don't have to convince to be with me, despite the spark factor. Such a hard truth to come to grips with.

Oh what a week indeed!

I'm Off the Market & in the Moment!

Day 241-Can't Rain on My Parade

A few weeks ago, a friend of mine told me I sweated the small stuff too much. Yes, yes, got that, I know. I agree that making and breaking up does not compare with a life and death scenario. It is important to keep things in perspective and focus on the larger picture. But, sometimes, the little stuff is what makes all the difference. For instance...

Wearing a cute outfit or a new pair of shoes can totally affect how high you hold your head.

Sharing your subway pass with a stranded commuter can make you feel connected to a human being.

Being able to enjoy your favorites for dinner can make a weeknight feel special.

Singing at the top of the lungs can make you feel outgoing, even if you're alone in a room.

Buying flowers can make you pause just long enough to appreciate all of the natural beauty of the world.

Tromping through the snow can make you relive your childhood.

Remembering a past love can make you remember what is possible.

Before I get too Raindrops and Roses on you, I realize that these are all superficial factors at play. You indeed need to have a strong grasp on the good stuff inside you to really live in this world because the rest is passing. But in the same breath, I say it's ok to sweat the small stuff because it makes me enjoy the small stuff, too. Being aware of daily up's and down's and changes doesn't make me crazy-it makes me complicated and creative (not to mention, both great at my day job as well as my moonlighting gig as an actor and writer).

I know I'm probably going to fall off my soapbox for proclaiming this, but friend, I agree to disagree. I'm learning not to dwell and still be in the moment. That's what this year is about, and I don't want to miss a second of it, good or bad.

I'm Off the Market & In the Moment!

Day 242-There Should Be More Rules

There should be more rules in dating. Even a a few guidelines would be most beneficial. I've been discussing this very thing with a few friends this week as I've begun to tread on the path towards casual dating. What IS casual dating? Do I need to be upfront of what I'm looking for? Or do I just coast along until told otherwise? Unfortunately, no such code of conduct exists so I've decided to create my own:

• Everyone should wear their Facebook status prominently on their clothing. In a relationship? Thanks for the heads up-can we just be friends? Looking for random play? Me too! Off the Market but still into casual date? Why don't you sit by me...
• After the second date of drinks, dinner is mandatory. Prove to me that you are normal (aka like to eat) and can also hold a decent conversation sans alcohol.
• If you're going to ask for someone's number, call. Girls and guys alike are guilty of this one-why put someone through the anxiety of waiting just because you're on a power trip?
• Until you're three months in, don't have The Talk. Just enjoy casual dating and be in the moment. If we actually had a hard timeline for this, it'd help keep a lot of us from jumping the gun on having the dreaded convo.
• Until you have The Talk and know where you stand, don't give IT up. Yes, I said it. Grandmothers warn you not to give up the farm; Steve Harvey says not to give up the cookie. Whatever the pet name, hold on to it to avoid clouded judgment.
• Don't say things you don't mean and don't make promises you can't keep. We all get excited and have verbal diarrhea from time to time, but try to keep yourself in check when caught up in the moment; this especially pertains to making plans you have no intention of keeping.

Above all...

• Be honest. It truly is the best policy, but unfortunately isn't done enough. I'm not talking about the little things like onion breath. I mean the big picture stuff. Life is just too short.

My list may not consist of totally original points, but I think I've made mine.

I'm Off the Market & In the Moment!